This week’s episode of Modern Family is titled “A Fair To Remember.” I had high hopes, like Cary Grant and Deborah Kerr level hopes, and while the sitcom didn’t quite get into “we’ve already missed the spring” territory, the family’s day at the school fair did make me laugh.
Cam’s football team isn’t doing well, but his coaching is spectacular: “That’s the worst call since they cast Russell Crowe in Les Mis.” I’m glad someone is talking about this. I’m usually behind Russell Crowe in anything because he’s Russell Crowe, but he has a rock voice, not a Broadway one. Glad we got that out of the way. He tries to inspire his football players with one of those hammer/strength games. He can’t get past “grandma” or “girly man: “That’s offensive because girls are athletes now.”
Manny made an amazing cake for the cake contest. Gloria decides that the contest is keeping him away from the other kids, so she ruins it, just like all mothers do. Just kidding. Manny thinks it was the other old woman in the competition. Gloria has to confess when he decides to smash the cake on the woman’s head.
Haley and Mandy, Male Nanny Andy, meet each other and do not hit it off or do they. I know that was vague, so let me clear things up. They like each other. Hello! Modern Family’s first romance (I’m not counting Phil’s dad and the prostitute).
Alex and Luke fawn over the new girl, Sienna. Luke asks for advice on how to woo a girl he likes, but Sienna is the girl. They both make fools of themselves, and Sienna leaves.
Jay fights with a dad, Derrick, for a parking spot. Jay volunteers as the fair policeman. Guess who his partner is? Jay and Derrick bond over ice cream, and when Derrick gets slushied, producing a red stain on his shirt, there’s a very dramatic “It’s so cold” moment.
It’s Claire and Phil’s anniversary. Phil decided to sing for her a little diddy that he made up: “She’s a pretty sight, wise as a buddha. But brother, watch that fight. She’s a Claire-acuda!” But Phil never performs with the on-stage group, “The Dad Beats.”
The town pharmacist sings before Phil. “His voice is the drug is the drug he should be dispensing because apparently he’s the cure for everything.” Phil has a tough act to follow. He chickens out when he gets to the microphone: “There’s a white minivan with its lights on in the parking lot, license plate number TCB R2-D2.”
Did you know I am the female version of Phil Dunphy? That’s right. According to (trustworthy) friends I am Phil. Case in point, I have made up a song to sing for someone’s birthday. It was about her likes: orchestra and chocolate, and it had a killer (vocal) guitar solo. We both like Star Wars. I once burned my arm by getting to close to a cookie sheet when smelling the cookies. I procrastinate fixing things in my home. I have some sweet (and terrible) impressions, and I have worn a fake mustache for an entire day. I felt like I needed to make sure you knew this about me. It’s pertinent.
Claire beats Phil in anniversary presents, when she surprises him with Chinese acrobats in their front yard.
What a great episode. I love fairs and carnivals and circuses and Chinese acrobats. See? I told you.
Hilary Miller is currently an MFA student in Screenwriting at Pepperdine University in Malibu, CA. When not not watching, writing, or talking about movies and television shows, she can usually be found making crock-pot creations, laughing, talking too loud, running, devouring a good book, eating, racking up cellular bills chatting with her bomb family, sticking her toes in the sand, or wishing she were Hermione Granger, sometimes all at once. And while part of her heart is still in Indiana, the rest of it belongs to her puppy, Estelle Getty.