Are double dates ever a good idea? I mean, in real life they’re often fun and completely functional, but in TV land? Guaranteed disaster. In this case, the double date was so disastrous that it never even really happened – instead, everything just collapsed around it. Except for Winston, who got right down deep inside it, and continued to bring it with the invaluable comedic gold.
And OMIGOD, the cat is still there! Wintston’s bonding with Ferguson the cat last week is a lasting love. Because he’s single and lonely and a sweet, loving man. The writers are really stepping up their Winston game this season – he really has been the source of the best comedy, three weeks running. Love affairs with cats, desperately seeking reservations, fake voodoo spells, bad impressions of writers, and the most pathetic bribes. I mean, of course they still aren’t allowing him any real emotional depth or primary plot lines, but with Jess and Nick finding their couple legs, and all of Schmidt’s boring, triangular love drama (he CRIED this week!), Winston is really holding down the fort, comedy-wise.
Speaking of Schmidt’s love troubles, does Cece win the contest of Best Possible Girlfriend because she’s concerned that Schmidt may be on drugs? Or is just one more sign of exactly how sad Schmidt is – that the only reason he could possibly be selfless in bed is if he’s out of it?
Either way, Schmidt confesses his double-timing to Nick, who takes an inordinately long amount of time to understand. (Maybe rightly so, because it’s dumb.) But he ends up using yes-helmet, no-kiss sex with Jess to make sure he doesn’t tell her… until he does anyway. So – predictably – Nick’s bad at keeping secrets. The upside? We get to see him dance again! Remember when he had to pretend to be a leaping master dancer to fool Jess’s new sex partner? So many GIFs were spawned. Now so many more! (Please!)
Speaking of Nick and Jess doing crazy stuff to support each other, their relationship really shines this week. They are perfectly weird together, bickering like nerds, having odd sex, and sticking their fingers in cigarette lighters in painful solidarity with one another. Because what is love worth if it’s not about mutual weirdness? What is a soul mate if not your perfect match in all manner of quirks?
And just as Jess and Nick are really settling into the groove of boyfriend/girlfriendhood, Schmidt’s multiple-girlfriend situation is falling apart. FINALLY. I believe we are all relieved, no? We’re relieved, but he’s just mad. He delivers an ominous threat to Nick and Jess while covered in pie filling (which looks more like a mixture of personal lubricant and food dye – prop people, enlighten me). The pie face is funny, but the serious anger is not. The serious anger is depressing. Schmidt’s love troubles have all been depressing. It’s not my favourite thing when “New Girl” tries to make me feel real feelings. “New Girl” is supposed to be about fun and friendship, a lighthearted romp with the quirky teacher, the frumpy bartender, the lovable douche, and the crazy-eyed ex-basketballer. Is “New Girl” trying to get serious? Somebody call Elizabeth Meriwether and ask her if this is a long-term plan.
But seriousness and anger aside, I think we hit a record this week for most tidbits of Jess trivia delivered in one episode! Of course Jess is super into Weird Al, to the point of passionate injury. And of course she talks in a Southern accent about her itchy bra when she wants to be sexy. And of course she knows every “Space Jam” quote. She’s afraid of pears. She might grow another 18 inches in adulthood. She’s a member of the Green Party. She believes horses are aliens. And her boyfriend is sexually attracted to ladybugs. This episode was perfect fodder for all those obsessive fangirls out there who horde character information like squirrels preparing for winter. Or for anyone who wants to create the most detailed Jessica Day Halloween costume ever (which might be me).
Have you been on a double date lately, disastrous or otherwise? What did you think of this week’s episode? Anyone want to join me in creating a Jessica Day army for Halloween? Will someone please tweet me a GIF of Nick dancing in that helmet?!
Hannah McIlveen is a freelance graphic designer and TV-obsessed writer living in Nova Scotia, Canada. She grew up riding horses and reading Roald Dahl books, got an art degree, and then spent the next several years moving around the country and watching television. Her greatest goals in life are to write good stuff, produce a web series, build a house with her husband, and have six cats at once. Hannah has contributed to BitchMagazine.org and is a staff blogger for the soon-to-launch TeenSized.com. She also writes her own daily blog, Click Watch Write. Hannah can be accosted on Twitter @ClickWatchWrite.