How is the Vampire Diaries going to avoid the kiss of death of television, i.e. college? By getting out of it as soon as possible. It seems TVD learned a little something from Saved By The Bell: The College Years. Although we were given the illusion that Elena would move on to dorm rooms and house parties, we’re actually just back in Mystic Falls, without a mention of lectures or the freshman fifteen. You know what? I’m fine with that. I only wish Zach Morris and Kelly Kapowski went back to snacking fries at The Max.
Stefan is out of that safe, finally. Thank goodness we don’t have to endure any more panic-inducing, claustrophobic underwater scenes. Maybe TVD decided we had enough to deal with by watching Gravity in theaters. After almost burning in the sun (He’s melting! He’s melting!), Stefan wakes up to the human/witch Katsia. Hey, a love interest for Stefan? Now Elena and Damon can safely end up together! Too soon? Katsia came back from the dead to take down Silas, and she’d like to go by the name of Tessa, thank you. Tessa makes Stefan a new daylight ring because “when the daylight comes I’ll have to go.” (Adam Levine is always appropriate.) But wait, she’s actually insane, and will not be letting Stefan go anywhere.
The Ancient Greek flashback of Silas’s back-story, the “original sin,” is priceless. Stefan/Silas can really pull off those Caesar curls (not really). As it turns out, Silas left Katsia at the wedding altar to run off with her handmaiden. Not the handmaiden! The handmaiden looks like Katherine/Elena. How many characters is Nina Dobrev going to play in one show? Silas’s actions caused the repeated doppelgangers of Stefan and Elena, who end up together throughout time. This is all feeling very Cloud Atlas. Soon there will be plates smashing and yellowface, and I won’t know what’s going on.
Katharine and Elena have the same dream about Stefan burning in the sun. Come on, Elena! Your dreams should be full of Damon; our dreams are. Katharine, Elena, and Damon then go on the road to find Stefan.
Silas chats with the mysterious Nadia and tells her to kill Matt permanently. Nadia awakens her friend, Gregor, in Matt’s body, so now Matt gets to talk with a vaguely Russian accent. That’s fun. Matt wakes up from his possession covered in mud and blood, not dissimilar to a werewolf after a night of eating people. Is anyone else frustrated at the identity of Nadia? I mean, I’m not exactly the logic police, but it seems like she just sort of flew in and became this big character without any transitional information. I need a back-story, especially if it’s anything like Silas’s toga epic.
Nadia fights Elena and captures Katherine, but not before Katherine and Elena have a heart-to-heart, a la The Parent Trap. We discover that Katherine’s blood is the “cure,” or the way to make immortals mortal.
Damon finds Stefan and Tessa. She casts a spell to Stefan and Silas’s minds: “I’m frying Silas’s brain.” It makes their eyes leak blood like tears. Can this really happen? Let me google it. Yes, it can; it’s called haemolacria, pronounced, “bad news.” The spell took away Silas’s ability to compel people. Whew. No more murders in the middle of town, with everyone standing by to watch.
Tessa warns Damon that Stefan and Elena are soul mates. Listen, Tessa, you will not break up Dalena! But you will shove Damon into a wall. Enter Elena, who seems to only have eyes for Stefan. Elena, you will not break up Dalena! But you will linger over his unconscious body. Damon, you won’t break up Dalena, right?! Right. Damon says to Elena, “You are my life,” because he knows what we want. Thank you, Damon. Thank you. Stefan wakes up, but he has amnesia and doesn’t remember Damon or Elena! Dun dun dun…
Hilary Miller is currently an MFA student in Screenwriting at Pepperdine University in Malibu, CA. When not not watching, writing, or talking about movies and television shows, she can usually be found making crock-pot creations, laughing, talking too loud, running, devouring a good book, eating, racking up cellular bills chatting with her bomb family, sticking her toes in the sand, or wishing she were Hermione Granger, sometimes all at once. And while part of her heart is still in Indiana, the rest of it belongs to her puppy, Estelle Getty.